Glamping: RHOA S9 E13

“I had to move my book bag before the camel toe ate it up.”

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The girls arrive at the cabins and find out they’ll be having to share rooms due to them all inviting plus one’s. I feel like some of ’em even had two plus one’s no one in America could recognize. “Lodi, dodi, and everybody.” It’s too bad Phaedra doesn’t have the cojones Kenya tucks every morning. She whould’ve did ’em like Kenya did Shamea on the boat last year.

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Sheree shares some tea with Marlo that everyone in Atlanta has already heard twice. She claims she just wants the girls to be honest with each other  but we all know the only reason she telling Marlo is so she can repeat it later. Weak foreshadowing by Bravo.

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Phaedra thinks it would be a good idea to sleep outside for a night so they pitch tents and light a fire to spark the shade. #AskMarlo begins and I’m just waiting for one of them to ask why she ever in life sat around bedazzling bottles of Off. Phae Phae asks, “what’s on trend besides camel toe?” and Marlo goes right in on Kenya talking about her lashes being too long and too thick. UM, OKAYY.

Which then leads to an argument between the two that went a little like, “Kenya you’re miserable, earrings trash, lashes super trash, you need a dermatologist, you can’t keep a broke man and then the mom comment. It got dark fast and was a very low blow especially since Marlo grew up in foster care and knows all about not having a mother’s love. Kenya started calling her all types of prostitutes but she ain’t have much else of a rebuttal.

The next morning we learn Marlo hiked back to the cabins in the middle of the night because she had Flat Tummy Tea bubble guts. Extraneous information I could’ve lived without. You bitches might as well endorse laxatives they been around a lot longer. Kandi questions Phaedra about a 60-day divorce again and I still can’t figure out why she gives a fuck.

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They go do water sports on the lake and Sheree’s reaction to a horse fly buzzing by lets you know exactly where this scene is headed. The guide pushes her paddle boat into the water and she reacts as if she’s been set on fire. She looks back at him with the meanest mug and yells, “what you do that for!?” Lmao she was so sick, screaming about getting a yeast infection, it was hilarious. Lake water is nasty as shit and it fucking stinks so I feel her on this.

Next Porsha jumps to her death kicking and screaming and lands safely in tears. Sheree declines the free fall and we learn she ain’t so adventurous at all.

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Marlo pulls up to dinner in thigh highs, a diamond chocker and one of Safarree’s squirl furs he wore all season on LHH.  Kenya addresses the digs from yesterday and SHE apologizes again for not inviting Marlo to her parties which is the most childish shit ever. She’s scared of her frfr.

Then we get right into the mess. Marlo asks Kandi if she’s a lesbian and Porsha morphs into an owl, “whooo, whoo said that, WHOOOOO?” girl bye! Doing all that hooting and hollering knowing damn well you said it! Chile…all Phaedra is doing is sipping wine. She will not fess up to anything, looking very nervous. Porsha continues to press the issue and gets shocked when Sheree reveals it was her.

Now Porsha is confused and don’t know exactly what she said but in the same breath she’s saying, “it was just shade.” When she coulda just owned that from jump! Ugh. Frack is most def enjoying frick getting fucked. Sheree does take a log of convos, she’s like a damn parrot at this point aka “the bone carrier.”

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Porsha says, “Kandi don’t know my business but I know hers,” and Kandi lets us know Porsha becomes an aggressive lesbian when she’s drunk. This is just a big mess and I don’t know why any of them care enough to spill this tea but I surely will be here to sip it.

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The rest of the season looks like it’s heating up. I’ll be tuned in, will you?

dalface xx

Married to Medicine: S4 REUNION PT.1

“Witcho ole gay ass husband”

We kick off the Married to Medicine reunion with a Darren dig from Toya and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love the behind the scenes shots of them in dressing rooms. Dr. Simon and Dr.Jackie are seated to each side of Andy, so yeah, we know who the HBIC’s are here.

Mrs.Mariah and Heavenly have on the same shoes and earrings which she announces will be burned when she gets home. Dr. Jackie speaking on Drs still being human beings at the end of the day was cute. I am here for the black excellence on this show!

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Lisa Nicole is delusional af for wanting a baby just to bring her and her husband closer, but WHY IS HEAVENLY SO CONCERNED !!! WORRY ABOUT DADDY! It’s not yall business and yall don’t come at her out of a place of love. It’s almost as if you all find solace in her pain, so yeah, I’d be on the defense too. The baby thing is weird but can they just lay off?

“Darren will be out soon and by out I mean, out here,” Andyyy why you so damn messy!

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Lisa is fucking nuts but she just needs love. Actually, she too damn old for that excuse she needs a shrink and a life coach. Toya apologizes for calling Darren gay with a but. A literal butt, because she brings up the alleged mole on Darren’s ass. The mole thing though, can anyone verify? Lisa goes on to read them about the double standards in the group and Andy is right about Darren probably not wanting to be around the ladies. Shit, I wouldn’t wanna be around them either, every time he’s talked about I cringe.

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Mrs. Quad is sitting hunny!!

 

Heavenly’s daughter is GOALS AF. I can’t wait to have my mini me and help mold her into a precocious little powerhouse. It hurts me to hear about Lisa having to explain the gay rumors to her boys. All the kids is cute.

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Toya does make bad decisions with her broke ass mentality. Nothing wrong with taking 2 steps back and getting it together. Since you two are so educated I’m sure someone in medical school told you to get a financial advisor, pay someone to do your taxes or something! Stop it. Lisa having her own tax issues is hilarious, I forgot all about that. Glass house shawty.

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Ok Mrs. Toya bitch! She said she signing checks too, don’t get it fucked up!

 

Married to Medicine Season 4 Reunion!! Huge success…Get ready…it's HOOOOTTTTT!!!!

A post shared by Genise Shelton (@officialgenise) on

Genise came thru and slayed Heavenly’s rude ass this season. She was shifting uncomfortably in her seat just watching the clips back. I do think she is genuinely sorry and EMBARRASSED. “You look like grandma Hilda with that dress on!”

Mariah makes good on her promise and has gone as far as to remove her shoes and earrings. Stating, “I will not wear the shoes, I will not wear earrings, I will not wear anything Heavenly’s wearing.” Mkayyyy, that’ll teach ’em. This then launches a “yo momma” filled feud and the two go at. Heavenly says,”yo momma thirsty,” and then immediately apologizes like a real bipolar maniac. She is hilarious, “sometimes when people get me mad I like to lay into they momma.” Same, girl.

Heavenly then says, “Mariah the only one that’s under 40 that looks over 50 and that she can come clean up her office.” Mariah replies, “I would love to come to your office and clean because from what I hear, it’s nasty as hell.” JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL! The shit continues on for a good while before Andy cuts in, he loved every minute.

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The comment about her drinking a bottle of crown in two hours is defamatory to say the least.

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Toya’s dress and 20ft train makes me want to run into a spiked fence.

Part 2 of the reunion with the husbands airs next Friday at 8pm est. Tune in Darren will be in hot water! How do you think he’ll handle it? Let me know!

dalface xx

WHY YOU KEEP GETTING CHEATED ON

The Scene recently posted a video of two ex’s confronting each other regarding infidelity that has now gone viral. After watching, women on twitter were sent into a frenzy with the consensus being, that guy is the scum of the earth. The comments range from: “hard to watch,” “he felt no remorse,” “there’s no way he really cared for her,” to “women are trash at picking men,” “I felt for her,” and “it couldn’t have been me.” #HurtBae has now turned into an internet sensation so I figured I’d give my two cents on the dramatization.

The video begins with Hurt Bae asking her ex to tell her exactly what he did. He answers, “I had sex with other girls. I did everything,” and the way he’s smirking and not able to keep a straight face let me know everything I needed to about the situation within the first 13 seconds. He doesn’t care about her or the situation at all and he never took the woman seriously. I don’t know why she didn’t dead the conversation right then and there.

They recap meeting in college and becoming the best of friends! Then things quickly got dark. She reveals she caught him sexting other women multiple times and when he didn’t stop, she stayed. Next she caught him with another girl in his room and he brazenly kicked her out. She believed him when he said he wouldn’t do it again, again and stayed in the relationship despite not being able to trust him. So of course she spent the rest of their time together going through his phone to turn the relationship into more of a mother, son dynamic. This is when he asks her the million-dollar question, “if you would go through such measures to find out whatever, why wouldn’t you just leave?” Ding, ding, ding! Women who spend their free time going through their bfs phones, stalking social media and combing through emails just to cry and stay please stop it. What are you getting out of this? Where are you finding the time? Please put your energy into something constructive because I can’t think of a faster way to drive dick away than trying to cage and regulate it. Find you a man that actually wants to commit, leave or simply be quiet.

This is a classic example of, he’s just not that into you. Women need to be able to recognize these red flags way sooner. He can claim he loves you and is willing to commit till he’s blue in the face but if his actions are showing you the opposite then you need to listen to that. Actions speak louder than words, it really is just that simple. If he wanted to stop texting bitches he would. If he wanted to stop fucking bitches he would! He doesn’t want to and he showed her that in every way possible but she still sat there hoping he would change while giving him even more of a reason not to. When someone shows you who they really are believe them.

Ladies, no man that loves you or considers you to be a soulmate, lover and best friend will ever in his life look you in your eyes and laugh at your pain talking about, ‘I lost track of how many times I cheated.’ Man please! Have enough love for yourselves to walk away from situations that are no longer serving you. Reciprocity is the most integral part in regards to love. If your partner cannot match your commitment, your love, your ambition, your quality of life well then baby you got to go. Stop lying next to men who don’t even respect you.

Yall don’t really hear me though. Just go ahead and keep checking your man’s phone, let me know how much joy and happiness it brings!

10 REASONS WHY THE NEW YORK HIP HOP STOCK HAS DROPPED

The city that never sleeps is the home of people that think because they sleep in 4×4 apartments surrounded by trash, that somehow makes them more ‘worldly’ and superior. Fortunately for NYC that’s not all it’s known for.

The roots of hip hop lie in New York, that is undisputed. It has given us legend after legend: Run DMC, A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, Mobb Deep, Wu Tang, Biggie, Jay Z, G-Unit, Dipset, just to name several. But lately it’s giving us solo circus acts, arrogant artists and evil dictators.

These 10 tragedies have happened at the hands on New Yorkers in 2016 alone:

  1. Three men came out and accused the hip hop legend Afrika Bambaataa of sexual abuse. afrikabambataa
  2. Bobby Shmurda told on himself in the 2014 single that got him poppin “Hot Nigga”. He then copped a plea on a gun charge, tried to take it back but it was too late and he was sentenced to 7 years in prison; 2 years served 5 left. As we head into the new year I want to propose the #StopTellingOnYourSelvesChallenge ….ready set go!cvzcvrcw8aaysj6
  3. Donald Trump, the die-hard New Yorker and rapper endorsed, reality tv personality won the President elect. Yup, that’s y’all guy and I’m gonna blame his arrogance and piss pore education, or lack there of, on his environment. Rae Sremmurd’s ‘Up Like Donald Trump’ was just one of the many songs that predate his presidency. nbc-fires-donald-trump-after-he-calls-mexicans-rapists-and-drug-runners
  4.  New York is where Love & Hip Hop originated and became a reality TV powerhouse back in 2011. Fast forward to damn near 7 years later and it has become a badly scripted, ghetto, EMBARRISING, Shakespearean spoof.  I mean, this shit has just gotten beyond fake, the drama is contrived and the cast members are desperate. I can’t even enjoy this shit anymore. All we see are: baby mamas crying about shit nobody gives a fuck about, old saggy man balls that have managed to spread seed nation wide, loud mouth girl friends/wives on top of tables yelling about cheating, no talent, did I mention washed up producers having sex with boy-body built bitches and referring to themselves as the creep squad? I can not make this shit up.

 

5. Young MA got one little hit and smashed an IG thot, now she thinks she’s God’s gift.       She heckled her own crowd at her concert, I didn’t even know this was a thing. Then she booked a venue in N.O. that wasn’t full enough when she arrived and so she kept it moving. Her birth certificate says girl, but you can draw your own conclusions, we’re all entitled to our opinions…. I’m aligning her with Kevin Gates, subtract the talent. We thought yall were giving us a star with this one but nahhhh just take her back.

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6. The Game had beef with Meek, went to NY to shoot a diss video, and had Brooklyn niggas dancing in the back like thots. This didn’t have anything to do with them so I don’t know why they were back there gassing him up.

7. Troy Ave was charged with attempted murder at Irving Plaza. This why they won’t give us venues. We haven’t heard from since his album sold 1,000 copies and this was his big splash back onto the scene. troy-ave-106-park-billboard-1548.jpg

8. DJ Envy supported Stop & Frisk live on air.

9. Safaree daggered his ass across the globe and still managed to embarrass the fuck outta NY. This Brooklyn bottom was jumping on cars during scenes that had nothing to do with him. He got played by a girl named Nikki, was shot down for the 3sum, and dragged by the woman she was cheating with. He started a coconut oil line (exactly what the world needed!) and wore fur vests with no shirt the entire season. It is just astonishing, see for yourself.

10. Lastly, Drake fans pulled up on Joe Budden at his house taunting him and he came back at them slinging rocks. This entire beef was actually hilarious, I still feel like it came out of thin air.

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On the opposite end of the spectrum, the women of New York are making tremendous strides. From Angela Yee, to Nicki, to Karen Civil, Remy, and Angie Martinez they are voices that transcend hip hop and are an inspiration to girls all over the world. Now if only the men could get it together.

Moore Manor: RHOA S9 Ep2

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The first episode of this season was a nice little intro. We pick up the second one, right back at Kenya’s “house warming”.

The Moore Manor shade is funny as fuck. I do not know why Kenya had them people in that unfinished house. It’s dusty, it’s hot, the banisters are unsteady, fix it Jesus.

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Sheree catches the holy ghost when she sees Porsha pulling up to the event and does a tity sweat check; RELATEABLE. This is always my reaction to situations that should be treated subtle; kind of like all the times I’ve shown up somewhere uninvited, black out drunk, dancing on inanimate objects. #friendofafriend

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Kenya walks in looking perturbed because she immediately spots Porsha in the sea of 15 guests. I’m 98% sure the white people there were Bravo staff.

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Phaedra greets her warmly and gives her champagne. Kenya responds “is she your guest”, and pulls Porsha to the side immediately and asks her to leave in a real roundabout way. Petty, since been petty, since been petty. Porsha ass don’t want to be there anyway, nobody does. She bows out gracefully with Phaedra in tow.

-I’m so over the comments on the African men everybody fucking lol– where they at doe

-Lol are her railings really that loose or are they all playing with her?

Sheree, Kandi, and Cynthia roll out shortly after, and Matt rolls up.

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This scene feels disingenuous. Kenya, have the girls at Bravo spritz your eyes or something before scenes like this. If you’re gonna go for it you have to fully commit; have the tears at the ready! And so what he kicked your door in, at least it wasn’t your face. Let the man back up into your manor.

Kandi and her Krew talk too damn much:

-Ace does not need a baby line…why, why, why? Todd is really trying to make a living off of every person genetically connected to Kandi, totally get it now.

-OLG ain’t open because, Todd. Why are they using his contractor? Is he reputable? They build entire condos in the blink of an eye. This 70 seat restaurant couldn’t be that hard.

-Kandi don’t pull a Cynthia and continue footing the bill of a broke man’s dreams, they tend to fail. #Amotherslove

-Momma Joyce gets more and more obnoxious as the seasons progress, when did she start doing confessionals? She is right though; Phaedra is too smart to not have known what Apollo was doing but that’s old news. I’m not sure why she’s so concerned about the lady divorce to be up doing happy dances and shit, bye.

-Everyone around Kandi treats her like a never ending vortex of money. They haven’t even broken all ground let alone broke-even, and the old lady gang is already asking when they’ll be paid.

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Kenya and Phaedra caught up at lunch.  They talked about her getting back together with Matt, and Phae Phae got a chance to invite her to Porsha’s event. It was cute, I’m here for this on-screen friendship. I still don’t get why Phaedra is telling people she’s divorced when it’s on public record that she’s not, but too each its own.

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Cynthia and Peter meet up to discuss the impending divorce. Dun, dun, dun… she looks so uncomfortable and over it. Peter is gross and she was never that into him to begin with. His “chest got tight and felt like a heart attack” because he realized his purse was about to be gone. This scene doesn’t make me sad at all, this marriage should have never happened. Ladies, please, please, PLEASE, stop settling. NEVER SETTLE.

The episode ends with Porsha’s girls event. It was some clue find, team building exercise; idk what the fuck they were doing but it looked stupid and so did they. Kandi and Phaedra are the first ones to arrive and awkward isn’t a good enough word to describe the silence. Their friendship was real, that’s why the aftermath of the downfall is so tragic.

They finish the game, I couldn’t tell you who won, then someone says “Well I guess we can all go now!”, and everyone eagerly grabs their shit and leaves.

Ok, Bravo this is exactly what everyone is talking about, this shit is so forced and disingenuous now. These events are lame and uncreative, the girls don’t like each other, they don’t want to show up to film these scenes, and it reads on camera.

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Kenya and Shree linger behind to have a sophisticated conversation.

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Shree the house comments are officially old and so misplaced. Look in the mirror and say these things to yourself. What does she mean by “we could’ve helped each other”? YOU BOTH CAN’T HELP YOURSELVES, am I missing something?

Regardless this scene gave us major shade and sound bites if nothing else. “you do need some trim or some molding” …… “twirl on some base boards”

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“Bitch why you running? Your house not even finished”

Sheree will always have a seat at my damn table. Would you invite her to your Thanksgiving?

 

 

 

 

 

Kanye Kardashian Has Another Emotional Outburst, Leaving Fans in an Empty Arena

 

Last night while performing in Sacramento, CA Kanye went on one of his infamous rants. This one resulted in him calling out Drake, Jay Z, Beyonce, radio, MTV, DJ Khaled, slavery, Obama, they mamas, you name it *Shirley Ceaser voice*.

I guess he found out Beyonce said she wouldn’t perform at the VMA’s unless she won best music video over Fade. Hmmmm where have we heard this before Ye? He was extremely hurt by this news so he decided the perfect time to address the pain in his heart would be in the middle of his concert. Yup that’s right, instead of hashing things out with his good friends and fellow artists he decided to share his feelings with thousands of people who paid $70+ to hear actual music. Instead they were forced to act as an unsolicited therapist. He then he took it a step further by abruptly ending the concert after the rant was over.

People in attendance of the show verify he only performed 1-3 songs before ranting and walking off stage. If this isn’t bad enough, a few days before he went on another rant about how he would’ve supported Trump if he had voted in the 2016 election. Another thing that makes no fucking sense because he endorsed Hillary Clinton the year before!

Kanye, I was rooting for you. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! *Tyra Banks Voice* Your rants were once viewed as cool, different, a connection to his fans, and maybe even educational. They have now become a cross between a toddlers tantrum, and the ramblings of an undiagnosed schizophrenic.

“Ay Jay Z I know you got killas, don’t send them at my head, just call me”

Why is this grown ass man picking fights, then saying please don’t hurt me?

Congratulations Ye, you have officially earned the Kardashian name. You are out here taking on the persona of a suburban white woman that doesn’t know any better, except you do.

Fuck you until further notice,

K BYEEEEE

RHOBH: Own it Lisa! S7 E12

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As someone who has been called skeletor during squabbles I mean it when I say, Lisa Rinna’s protruding spinal cord and near labia slip was cute.

In true Beverly Hills fashion last week’s episode involved tears, cries of amnesia and a not so subtle early event departure.  When confronted with filling Eden’s head with desperate delusions about Kim’s looming death Rinna proved once again, that she can’t stand the heat. She went from absolutely not saying it, not remembering it, blaming it all on Eden to apologizing if she did say it. All the while Bravo is cutting to clips of her going the fuck in on Kim.

 

“If I did say it, it wasn’t in a mean, hateful way,” Rinna says while all of America rolls their eyes. Just own it Lisa! Own it!

Own the fact that your story lines have to revolve around the other women to deflect from your own scandals. Instead she takes a page out of Eileen’s book and hightails it out of there after a fit of hysterics. It’s almost as if her sobriety had been called into question.

Rinna summons Eden for a sit down because she is pissed that she outed her to Vanderpump. She comes in with a lot of passive aggression and then asks Eden, “why she went to LVP?” Here she learns the #1 rule when it comes to new friendships: telling your business is not an olive branch, be weary who you share with.

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I just love it when people go on reality shows with at least three months of cameras recording them and can’t remember half of what they say. Eden claims she went to VP for an unbiased opinion and no one knows wtf she’s talking about, she isn’t unbiased sweetie. She also mentions how Rinna likes to flee the scene whenever she’s under fire. Chose your friends wisely coo-coo bird.

Rinna’s been doing a whole bunch of Charity work for a kitchen and still couldn’t be bothered to learn how to cook. Kyle acted as if she was touching acidic dick when she was cleaning the fish. Act like an adult! It’s food, this is what your chefs do to prepare your meals.

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I really hate when chronically late bitches harp on somebody about being on time. VP shows up and explains she had trouble opening her gates before traveling there and Rinna makes a joke about her vagina gates being closed for years.  If I had even found her Gate joke funny I wouldn’t even be able to hear my own laughter over hers. Ha, ha, ha. Whoever’s writing her stuff lately is extremely annoying.

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Dorito jerking off that zucchini is the last straw! 100% convinced Bravo launched a sex intiative last year and put it in all the women’s contracts. The sexual innuendos have gone from innuendo to IN-U-END-O.

And why the fuck is Eden a broken bird? Wtf is LVP talking about?

I love that Mr.Jarodie is super into Erika Jane’s video expensive, no regard for the the cost at all. Just throw it in the bag. Erika looks damn good sitting awkwardly across from him.

Cut to Rinna’s charity award dinner… Receiving an award for how charitable one is just makes me really uncomfortable. If it aint the nobel peace price I’m fucking cringing. LVP didn’t come because she doesn’t like Rinna, simple as that. Harry gives another moving speech while Rinna cries, championing him on anddddd their relationship has officially become nauseating. What are y’all trying to prove? The girls talk about Eden’s catfish, “I was once a model” boyfriend across the pond and the episode ends.

Ehh, not the most compelling and I’m astounded that Kim’s sobriety is still the biggest strife on the show. At least it no longer revolves around the great Munchausen debate. Give me more bravo…

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Porsha Dressed to Dead Bitches and Got Deaded: RHOA S9 E12

 

I been gone for a minute but I come to you in the aftermath of a near brunch time brawl. The housewives of Atlanta have been giving me life this season so let’s just get right into it.

Phaedra and Kenya meet up to buy things for their upcoming Glamping trip and of course, address what went left at their last get together. Kenya continues to defend her actions and claims she fears for her safety around Porsha. When wholetime she was the aggressor, following her out the restaurant and duck walking on Sheree. Bitch bang!

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I really can’t stand when Kenya pokes the bear then acts like a distraught white woman with the police on speed dial. I.e. the incident in Miami with Tracie’s, or whatever her name is, nephew. Kenya called Porsha out her name and basically asked her if she was on any anti-psycotics and she didn’t get slapped, sounds like progress to me.

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Phaedra says she wants everyone to act civilized, unlike urban portrayals and Kenya says she’s from Detroit she never acts like that anyway. Phae Phae does the matrix on her ass which was exactly my reaction.

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Porsha goes to see her therapist and brings up how quiet Phae Phae was during the whole ordeal. Which really ain’t nothing knew for Phaedra, she’s been a background bully. Then she mentions how shocking it was for Kandi to have gone off on her like a bitch off the streets. I guess that all black outfit couldn’t dead all them bitches..

Cynthia meets up with Matt to help diffuse the situation between he and Kenya. He talks about the lack of respect shown and Kenya’s manipulation which I believe 100%. We have seen Kenya manipulate people for seasons but that still doesn’t excuse a grown ass man breaking windows whenever he gets mad, get your self together Mathew. Cynthia said it best, “if she’s the drama queen you’re the drama king.” Kenya didn’t like being called dramatic and so she storms off of Cynthia’s property to prove it.

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Kandi throws an all white party to celebrate Shamea’s engagement and none of the ladies show up in white. I’m still confused as to how she and Kandi got so close but that really ain’t none of my business. What is my business however, is Shamea’s vivid rendition of a blow job. She sucked the shit out of that imaginary dick sound effects and all, and for that I gotta love her.

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Porsha then goes over to Shamea’s house to give a kinda sorta apology for not showing up to her party. Shamea articulates that she should’ve been there for her because the night was about her not Kandi. Porsha was basically like look, I’m sorry I didn’t come but the reason was much bigger than you and I stand by my decision. Ehhhokayyy. She goes on to deny the conversation she had with Phae Phae and Sheree while Bravo cuts to clips of her not only allowing the convo but agreeing to Shamea sleeping with husbands. The whole scene just left me really uneasy; like why is Porsha going so hard for Phaedra, are they munching on each others boxes too?

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The day of the glamping trip finally arrives and the girls meet up with each other to wait for the bus at Kenya’s and Sheree’s house. For the life of me I do not know why Sheree had people over when they can’t come inside! Kenya had a beautiful spread set out for the girls and the Manor seems to be coming along great. Meanwhile over at Sheree’s she brought out a fold-up card table, placed it in her front yard and acted as if it was just a no-brainer that people weren’t allowed inside. Talking bout, “girl you know it’s still a construction site.” Then why didn’t you just go to Kenya’s!!? Lord, Sheree plays too fucking much! I could not stop laughing.

On the bus Porsha pulls out a doctors note that allows her to bring a guest on the trip and everybody is just like girl bye. Save the antics for Kenya and phony Phae Phae.

The episode ends there, continue on to the next part…

 

 

 

 

Emotional Distress: RHOA S9 Ep3

 

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“We came through serving camel toe” – Phaedra loves a camel toe, apparently they are in?? I’m here to tell you they are not, my friends and I screen shot them and zoom in to have a laugh. Exhibit A above. It’s frightening for people to see, please don’t think it’s ok to be out in public like this.

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We begin with Phaedra, Porsha, and Sheree at lunch. It’s a really fun light scene, they seem like genuine friends just having a good time as they discuss what happened between Kenya and Sheree.

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In regards to the “Chateau Thelma” comment, Sheree says the house is not in her mom’s name it is in a family trust and yes she had some credit issues who hasn’t.

Porsha says to Sheree ‘Your mom probably used her name back in the day; you probably had a cable or light bill. Black kids credit be used all the way up by 18.’ I’m dead. The fact that this is so true had me dying laughing. This is that ghetto ass shit I be talking about, stop it! Black people, HELLO! black people are you listening? Stop putting bills and shit in your kids name, for the love of God. I got friends who can’t get comcast right now cuz they momma ran up the bill lmfaoooooo, I can not deal.

Some random ass light skinned, Jamaican lady popped up by the Kandi Factory and everyone was acting like someone walked in and announced they had aids. Todd hoped up out his seat and started limping off lol I don’t fucking get it.

We quickly find out she’s Riley’s dad’s girlfriend. Okayyyyyyyyy…….….

The green card comment was such a lazy read Kandi, honestly why?

Kris Kelli is her name, and she’s there to bridge the gap between Kandi and Block (the baby daddy). She made the attempt and it was cute, I know exactly where she is coming from but I totally get why Kandi wasn’t open to it. Block should’ve pulled up not her, it’s really not her place.

Todd is also right though. It’s never too late to try to have some sort of relationship with your child. Although they might not respond to it as quickly and openly as you would like, it does not hurt to try. Father’s please keep reaching out to your kids, fuck all the bull shit with the mother and make the effort.

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This just got too deep for an intro, where’s Porsha and Phaedra when you need them..

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Matt was cuter to me last season but he has fucked his way back behind the wheel of Kenya range rover and they are headed to his family reunion, go ahead Matt.

Bob showing off that thigh muscle for Sheree is funny lol. Their dynamic is cute.

He is sweaty as fuck and it is alarming to be honest. Like all they’re doing is having a conversation in the kitchen and there is continuous sweat drops forming and dripping down his face and neck. Omfg ew.

Then he says “well your house is bigger than mine, so can I move in?”, the words every woman wants to hear after raising your kids for a good 18 years.

Mal dropped by Cynthia’s and reveals she’s been speaking to Peter. He’s been telling her that he misses his wife…..blah blah fuckin blah. Bye Peter!! leave that gorgeous woman alone and get back to the 19-year-old waitresses you like to sleep with. OK? K.
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Porsha I thought you had gained some brain cells. Why tf would you willingly have a baby by yourself? I can’t take her seriously and Phaedra can’t either. We have the exact same reaction, a quick, turn side eye, and jog away. Like P O R S H A, are you mentally stable? You can’t even stand to be alone with yourself, how are you going to do it with the baby? I’m not here for this, and I totally get age is a factor; but she’s better off taking her chances in a real relationship. Just do what all the other bitches do; pretend to be on, or get off birth control midway through the relationship and hold his cum in realllllllll tight.

Kenya did you think talking shit about someone’s son would be a great introduction to the family? His mom and dad are so, so, so cute but ima need for Matt sister to take several steps back.

Matt father is funny as fuck throwing out that she makes more money than him lol, at least they know who the power player here is. I am not mad at them, I enjoyed his family reunion. Kenya make this work bitch we do not need another Walter J situation on our hands, lock it down! I am 1,000% here for Matt and Kenya. She seemed to have a good time at the reunion, his family is very loving and she deserves to be a part of that.

Ooooooh Porsha boo kinda foineee!

Girl, I get your age and your impending biological clock but you ain’t got no sense. You are in your 30s, why are you aspiring to be a baby mama? That is a title no woman should ever want. That man ain’t taking care of or claiming the children he already has left and right. He is no catch. At least he was honest with her (the look of sheer shock and dismay) and didn’t sell a dream.

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-Cut to Kandi and Sheree working out at the gym-

We find out Porsha used to be cool with Block the baby daddy. LOL Sheree’s shade is just priceless.

Kandi’s attempt at Kris Kelli’s accent is the exact reason I cannot fucking stand when American people try to imitate patio. You sound Irish. You sound stupid. You are embarrassing. But her baby father is even more embarrassing.

THIS DUSTY, DUMB FUCK, TALKIN BOUT KANDI DOESN’T URGE RILEY TO REACH OUT TO HIM. SIR, ARE YOU SLOW?????

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OOOOH this scene got me fired up. Kandi is a good, strong, woman and she raised Riley better than a lot of two parent families but I know that shit hurt to hear him say he wouldn’t be there. Ladies if a man refuses to be there for you or be a part of their life just let them go and use that shit as motivation. We as woman hold ourselves to such low standards and allow men to strip us of our self-worth but we are 10x’s the man a lot of them wish they could be. You can’t make a man be a man if he is not ready to, and it is extremely sad and a hard pill to swallow but it is what is. If at his age Block doesn’t understand he should be reaching out to his 14-year-old daughter any fucking chance he gets well then may God or whoever help him.

We end with Kandi crying to Sheree and it is definitely genuine. I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes, I never ever saw that in my future. This episode brought up a lot of emotions for me. How did you feel about it, would Block and Kris Kelly have a seat at your table?