Glamping: RHOA S9 E13

“I had to move my book bag before the camel toe ate it up.”

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The girls arrive at the cabins and find out they’ll be having to share rooms due to them all inviting plus one’s. I feel like some of ’em even had two plus one’s no one in America could recognize. “Lodi, dodi, and everybody.” It’s too bad Phaedra doesn’t have the cojones Kenya tucks every morning. She whould’ve did ’em like Kenya did Shamea on the boat last year.

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Sheree shares some tea with Marlo that everyone in Atlanta has already heard twice. She claims she just wants the girls to be honest with each other  but we all know the only reason she telling Marlo is so she can repeat it later. Weak foreshadowing by Bravo.

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Phaedra thinks it would be a good idea to sleep outside for a night so they pitch tents and light a fire to spark the shade. #AskMarlo begins and I’m just waiting for one of them to ask why she ever in life sat around bedazzling bottles of Off. Phae Phae asks, “what’s on trend besides camel toe?” and Marlo goes right in on Kenya talking about her lashes being too long and too thick. UM, OKAYY.

Which then leads to an argument between the two that went a little like, “Kenya you’re miserable, earrings trash, lashes super trash, you need a dermatologist, you can’t keep a broke man and then the mom comment. It got dark fast and was a very low blow especially since Marlo grew up in foster care and knows all about not having a mother’s love. Kenya started calling her all types of prostitutes but she ain’t have much else of a rebuttal.

The next morning we learn Marlo hiked back to the cabins in the middle of the night because she had Flat Tummy Tea bubble guts. Extraneous information I could’ve lived without. You bitches might as well endorse laxatives they been around a lot longer. Kandi questions Phaedra about a 60-day divorce again and I still can’t figure out why she gives a fuck.

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They go do water sports on the lake and Sheree’s reaction to a horse fly buzzing by lets you know exactly where this scene is headed. The guide pushes her paddle boat into the water and she reacts as if she’s been set on fire. She looks back at him with the meanest mug and yells, “what you do that for!?” Lmao she was so sick, screaming about getting a yeast infection, it was hilarious. Lake water is nasty as shit and it fucking stinks so I feel her on this.

Next Porsha jumps to her death kicking and screaming and lands safely in tears. Sheree declines the free fall and we learn she ain’t so adventurous at all.

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Marlo pulls up to dinner in thigh highs, a diamond chocker and one of Safarree’s squirl furs he wore all season on LHH.  Kenya addresses the digs from yesterday and SHE apologizes again for not inviting Marlo to her parties which is the most childish shit ever. She’s scared of her frfr.

Then we get right into the mess. Marlo asks Kandi if she’s a lesbian and Porsha morphs into an owl, “whooo, whoo said that, WHOOOOO?” girl bye! Doing all that hooting and hollering knowing damn well you said it! Chile…all Phaedra is doing is sipping wine. She will not fess up to anything, looking very nervous. Porsha continues to press the issue and gets shocked when Sheree reveals it was her.

Now Porsha is confused and don’t know exactly what she said but in the same breath she’s saying, “it was just shade.” When she coulda just owned that from jump! Ugh. Frack is most def enjoying frick getting fucked. Sheree does take a log of convos, she’s like a damn parrot at this point aka “the bone carrier.”

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Porsha says, “Kandi don’t know my business but I know hers,” and Kandi lets us know Porsha becomes an aggressive lesbian when she’s drunk. This is just a big mess and I don’t know why any of them care enough to spill this tea but I surely will be here to sip it.

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The rest of the season looks like it’s heating up. I’ll be tuned in, will you?

dalface xx

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